Why Me
Pure bliss. I held my crying itty bitty baby in my arms and immediately was aware of the undeserved, unearned gift looking back at me. This new love I’d never known. That day I became a mother. A desire God saw fit to fulfill. I stood across from this young handsome man and pledged my life to join with his. Together as one we would live out all of our days as a blessed union. A love story sweet and sacred, beyond anything I could write up. A desire God saw fit to fulfill. The farmer plants his crops. He tends to them. The harvest is the result of some work but much divine intervention. So much we don’t choose that impacts our life outcomes. If the rain does not come, the crops will not grow. Too much rain will destroy them. We can plant seeds and tend to those seeds but the outcomes are beyond us.
Little girls play with dolls. Pretend play of dressing, feeding and nurturing pretend babies in their tender world of make believe. Those girls become woman, some will desire to grow their families bringing those childhood days of make believe days into their current reality. For some it does not come with ease or biologically. We can play, plan and prepare but the outcome is divine. It is beyond our control.
My desires have run deep and wide. From eating baguettes in Paris to entertaining babies in a playpen. I continue to dream, plan and prepare. The outcome is not all up to me. I hold my desires up to the creator. I present my all at his hands and to his will. I say to him to do as he will. I did not bring on the rain that led to plentiful harvest. I did not bring on the rain that lead to a perilous storm. I couldn’t write the love story, motherhood story or any of my life stories. I trust him to write a story more beautiful than anything I could ever imagine. Rain and rainstorms included.
We will all experience both. The mountain high moments that send tingles of goosebumps reverberating across your skin. A joy that makes your heart swell and soul sing. I’m sorry friend but the opposite is also true. There will also be moments in this life when the bottom falls through. The earth underneath you feels like it won’t hold. You will wonder if you can make it. God is not done. Your story is still being written. There will be good and bad days. It is a part of this human experience on earth. Plant your seeds. Pray for plentiful bounty that comes from pleasant rain. However, if the winds of treacherous storms blow your crops to destruction, plant again.
